Friday, 5/23/08

Today Mom and I started doing something we haven't done since I was a child: we began reading a novel together.

I had been looking through her books in the living room searching for something good to read when I came upon something that looked interesting. It was a book called "The Weeping Chamber." As I pulled it out I asked mom if she remembered if it was very good or not. She said she didn't remember and that she hadn't ever read it all the way through. When I asked her if I could borrow it, she suggested that we read it together instead. She said Marcia had told her that the Scotts read as a family every night and that she thought it sounded like a good idea. I remember doing it when I was in elementary school (or around that time anyway), although mom only remembers reading stories to me at night when I was younger.

Tonight, we read the first 4 chapters of The Weeping Chamber. Mom has a hard time reading because she needs new glasses, so I read aloud to her. It seems like it's going to be a really good book. I even wanted to keep going, but mom was getting tired so we called it a night. I have a feeling I am really going to like the book though. It's about two men who live during the week of the greatest drama in history (the week leading up to Jesus' Crucifixion). We see all the events through their eyes. The inside flap says that "through their eyes we see Caiaphas, Herod, Pilate, and Judas - and understand the all-too-human motivations that we share with them."

If the book keeps being as good as it is, I would recommend reading it. But, since I'm only on chapter 4, I can't say for sure just how good it is. However, I have an inkling it's going to be great. Not just the book, but spending quality time with my mom.

Have a great day and God Bless! :-)

Happy Day!

It works again!! :-D I think it was a gear or something. I was sitting at the table turning the switch on and off, willing it to work with each click. About the 5th time I moved the switch, I heard a click inside (possibly a gear snapping back into place?) and the zoom lense started moving again. So, I turned it on and off a couple times, took a picture, and it works! I'm so happy! I guess a lot of people were praying it was fixable! :-D

Broken Heart, Broken Camera, Broken Everything

Today my camera got broken. Not much else to say. Anyone who knows me knows how upsetting this is... If I write anymore, that would be dwelling on it. And if I dwell on it, I'll cry.

Maybe Josiah can fix it...

Size 10

"This is for you," Leah exclaimed as she shoved a present in my hand as soon as she opened the door to let me in. "I got you a present!" As I set down the present and the slushies I had brought Leah and me, Audrey explained that it was actually from both of them (of course I knew that!). After giving Leah her slushy and taking a sip of mine, I anxiously began to open it, dying to know what on earth they got me. "Flip-Flops!" I exclaimed as I laughed. They were a very pretty blue that is see-through and the straps have little blue rhinestones on them. "There's another present in there," Leah let me know. Another pair of flip-flops! Wow! These were a metallic neon green! "Leah insisted that we get that pair for you because she kept saying it was your favorite color," Audrey said. I had to laugh at the irony. Audrey has harassed me from the beginning about my always wearing flip-flops and now, as she put it, she was "contributing to the problem." Audrey then explained to me that she had told Cinda awhile back that she had to get me some, but didn't know what size to get. After that, she asked Abigail if she knew. Abigail told her she didn't, but that she could find out because she was very sneaky about that. She's right. I had no clue.

The rest of the visit went really well. I sat down on the step by the living room and Leah came and sat right next to me (with the exception of Lucy, who beat her and was sitting between us getting a tummy rub). After visiting with Audrey for a bit, Leah asked me if I wanted to play. Seeing as this was the last opportunity, I told her I would for a bit, figuring I could still visit some with Audrey while I played. Apparently I couldn't do it very well. Leah kept getting frustrated at me and letting out big sighs, letting me know I was ignoring her because I was talking to Audrey. So I started concentrating more on playing with the dolls and dollhouse Leah had brought out. At first she wouldn't let my doll live in the house with hers, but I finally convinced her to share because if she didn't my doll would have to sleep on the streets in a cardboard box.

After playing with Leah for a little bit, it was time to leave. Wes and Audrey had to go somewhere. We said our good-byes and hugged. "I love you," Audrey said as she hugged me. Of course I told her I loved her too. I hugged Leah as I tried not to cry (I didn't want their last memory to be of me crying). I said good-bye to Lucy, gave Wes a quick hug, then headed out the door. Thinking I would start crying as soon as I got outside, I was surprised to find myself almost smiling. It's such a weird feeling wanting to cry because you're sad, but almost smiling because you're also happy.

I don't think my last visit with them could have gone any better.

Been Busy

Well, I am finally about to post another blog entry, but first I want to apologize to my loyal readers (if there are any besides Abigail :-P) for not posting in so long. First it wasn't recognizing my e-mail address for awhile. Then I got busy with final projects, finals, etc. But I am back! I'm not even going to attempt to update ya'll on what has been going on in my life the past month because that would take way to long and, as much as some people love me, I don't think they want to hear my life story. ;-) I will just write a new post after this one telling of my day today (so far anyway).

Love you guys!

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

Well, I was right. Today I was fine. I went to bed after writing that last post and cried myself to sleep while talking to God. Part of my problem is that I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut most of the time when mom is correcting me or getting onto me for something I should have done but forgot. That's a large part of why I was upset last night and why I often wonder if she wouldn't be better off without me because I can't seem to be a good Godly child. It's frustrating.

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling a bit better, but still not happy. I opened my devotional and started flipping through the pages to find today's devotion so I could read the verses when I stumbled across a devotion from a different day that really caught my eye. Not because I hadn't heard it before, but because it fit exactly what I was going through. This devotion, as it was, happened to be about taming the tongue. As I started reading it (and the verses that went with it) I was almost in tears again. It started talking about listening to others and asking them how their lives were going instead of talking about yourself all the time, which I do for the most part. It really hit home though because a couple months ago when Abigail and I were talking about how to make friends when you move to a new place, she told me people like to be asked how they are doing. I tried not to take offense, but I ended up taking it as though she were telling me to shut up about myself once in awhile (sorry AJ). I began praying earnestly for God to help me.

After finishing that devotion, I went on to today's devotion. Later in the afternoon I ran into 'Cinda in the library. Well, she ran into me and scared the dickens outta me. Anyway, she invited me to come eat lunch with her and Meagan V. Well that just made my day! Really cheered me up. Through the course of the conversation at lunch, I tried to be extra aware of how much I was talking and making sure I wasn't talking too much about myself. The devotional kept coming back into my mind over and over again. As I was sitting there, I went over our conversation that had happened so far and it seemed like I had been talking an awful lot about myself. Well intended of course, because I wanted to catch her up on what was going on in my life, but still probably more than she wanted to hear. I felt like crying. I hated that I had messed up again. I started asking her and Meagan how they were doing, not so much out of guilt, but because I really was interested. After that I made it a point to keep quiet and listen to them talk for the rest of the meal.

The rest of the day went pretty well. I had a class after lunch then went home and studied pretty much the rest of the evening (until now of course).

I still find it interesting how God has helped me to be more sensitive to the Spirit lately. All these years I've asked, but it never seemed to do any good. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough on my part back then.

Well, I need to get to bed now. Jacinda is meeting me at the fitness center at 7am so we can workout together. Have a great and blessed day in the Lord!

The pain is deep,

It cuts like a knife.

Oh dear Lord,

Please end my strife.

Just get me through

Or end my life;

I don't care,

I'm giving up the fight.

To be with You

Is what I long for.

Nothing less,

Nothing more.

I'm fading fast;

I'm almost gone.

I see Heaven's gates

And I hear a song.

Noone will miss me

Once I'm gone.

Maybe just Abigail,

But she'll move on.

Perhaps mom will,

But only for a bit.

She'll be better off without me,

That's why I have to quit.

I'm giving up the fight,

There's nothing more to say.

Just take me quickly

Oh Lord I pray.

I don't know if I should post this, but I'm going to anyway. Don't worry if you read this, I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow. Maybe.