Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

Well, I was right. Today I was fine. I went to bed after writing that last post and cried myself to sleep while talking to God. Part of my problem is that I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut most of the time when mom is correcting me or getting onto me for something I should have done but forgot. That's a large part of why I was upset last night and why I often wonder if she wouldn't be better off without me because I can't seem to be a good Godly child. It's frustrating.

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling a bit better, but still not happy. I opened my devotional and started flipping through the pages to find today's devotion so I could read the verses when I stumbled across a devotion from a different day that really caught my eye. Not because I hadn't heard it before, but because it fit exactly what I was going through. This devotion, as it was, happened to be about taming the tongue. As I started reading it (and the verses that went with it) I was almost in tears again. It started talking about listening to others and asking them how their lives were going instead of talking about yourself all the time, which I do for the most part. It really hit home though because a couple months ago when Abigail and I were talking about how to make friends when you move to a new place, she told me people like to be asked how they are doing. I tried not to take offense, but I ended up taking it as though she were telling me to shut up about myself once in awhile (sorry AJ). I began praying earnestly for God to help me.

After finishing that devotion, I went on to today's devotion. Later in the afternoon I ran into 'Cinda in the library. Well, she ran into me and scared the dickens outta me. Anyway, she invited me to come eat lunch with her and Meagan V. Well that just made my day! Really cheered me up. Through the course of the conversation at lunch, I tried to be extra aware of how much I was talking and making sure I wasn't talking too much about myself. The devotional kept coming back into my mind over and over again. As I was sitting there, I went over our conversation that had happened so far and it seemed like I had been talking an awful lot about myself. Well intended of course, because I wanted to catch her up on what was going on in my life, but still probably more than she wanted to hear. I felt like crying. I hated that I had messed up again. I started asking her and Meagan how they were doing, not so much out of guilt, but because I really was interested. After that I made it a point to keep quiet and listen to them talk for the rest of the meal.

The rest of the day went pretty well. I had a class after lunch then went home and studied pretty much the rest of the evening (until now of course).

I still find it interesting how God has helped me to be more sensitive to the Spirit lately. All these years I've asked, but it never seemed to do any good. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough on my part back then.

Well, I need to get to bed now. Jacinda is meeting me at the fitness center at 7am so we can workout together. Have a great and blessed day in the Lord!